So near and yet....so far....

33 weeks down, 7 more to go.  Optimistically.  I'm trying not to think about going overdue at the moment.  7 weeks is looking like an eternity right now... Oh how quickly perception can change.  There I was, happily ticking through the weeks, smugly commenting on how my body seems to cope with pregnancy quite well when suddenly in the space of 48hrs it all changed.  Hello SPD, goodbye easy pregnancy.  For those unaware here is a Wikipedia link on Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction.  I am probably only on the moderate end of the spectrum, certainly not at the wheelchair or crutches stage and hope never to be, but let me tell you, it still sucks.  I'm also getting a lot of Sacro-Iliac Joint pain, in fact they are worse than in the pubic symphysis most days.  Even fairly low levels of activity, such as just getting through the day with a toddler, are giving me a lot of grief.  

I'm not just using giving me grief as a convenient turn of phrase, it is actually a very apt description.  Because the SPD isn't just causing me pain, it has taken a great deal from me.  Things of significance to me.   I feel those losses acutely. I've had to stop carrying Chloe.  This is a big thing for me.  Huge.  I don't think I fully appreciated all the emotional facets that Babywearing, or I suppose Toddler-wearing, held for me until it was no longer possible for me to do it. It gave me joy, it provided a physical bond with Chloe that is impossible to replicate.  I miss walking along, talking to her, being able to hear her chattering back to me easily over the noise of the traffic.  Knowing she was interested in something she saw, even if she was out of sight on my back, by feeling the excited kicking of her legs back and forth and the slight bouncing of her body up and down.  I miss her turning her face up to me for kisses, just because.  I miss the feel of her still body and her heavy head resting on my chest or back when she fell asleep.  How often do we get to physically enjoy the stillness of our children?  They certainly don't stop moving when they are awake.  

Unexpectedly, I have also suffered a loss of confidence.  A loss of a feeling of competence.  I'm so used to the convenience of using a sling in my daily life that I baulk at the idea of going out with a pushchair and all the attendant hassles that go with it.  Having to wait for a bus that has an empty pushchair space, manoeuvring through crowded streets and crowded shops, finding a space to park it in a busy cafe, avoiding steps... and all of this is made harder by the SPD which makes it painful even negotiating a curb with a child-heavy pushchair, let alone anything else.  I never thought twice about going out with just a handbag and a wrap, striding out the door with Chloe walking beside me.  I think twice about every activity now, and worry about how inconvenient or difficult or additionally painful it might be with the added concern of a bulky pushchair thrown into the mix.  Not to mention worrying about the fact that Chloe used to walk a lot when I used a sling but she is laaaazy with the pushchair.  I had been hoping to build up her stamina for when the baby arrives as I won't be able to carry her as much if I am carrying him, but I fear she's taking a step backwards in that regard, as well as just not getting as much exercise in a day.  Hardly ideal.

So much is going to change when the new baby comes.  A lot of adjustment is going to have to take place, for Chloe maybe most of all.  I'm so aware of wanting to make the most of this dwindling time where it is just the two of us but I feel it is being wasted.  Getting down on her level, kneeling on the floor with her, picking her up for a hug, going for a walk - all this causes discomfort, if not outright pain.  I can't even consider chasing her around the park, twirling her in the air or rough-housing on the bed with her any more.  I can't be as much fun as I want to be as a parent, constantly having to tell her I can't do something because of my "ouchy pelvis".  And that's even when said "ouchy pelvis" isn't making me snappy and irritable over something that I know wouldn't normally bother me.  Let us not forget the abrupt erupting into tears I keep doing in front of her lately.  I've certainly had an emotional response to my feelings of loss and incompetence and I feel like I'm turning into an emotional wreck.  I just can't keep my shit together all the time and I don't like falling apart in front of her.

Is it just the SPD and having to deal with the associated adjustments?  Is it being 33 weeks pregnant and hormonal?  It is fear of the unknown - how I'm going to cope with sleep deprivation, two kids and little additional support on a daily basis?  All of the above?  Whatever it is, I'm certainly not feeling smug about how well I'm coping with this pregnancy any more.  So let's all hope baby Eros number 2 is as prompt as Chloe was when it comes to arriving when due 'cause like I said, 7 weeks is more than long enough from where I am standing now...

Nova Scotia in August

You can fit quite a lot into 2.5wks.  Beforehand I'd worried that it might be a bit of a long trip but in reality the time flew by and there was never a dull moment.  For me, going home to Nova Scotia has always been about Family and there was certainly no shortage of that!  Lots of doting family members to entertain Chloe meant lots of rest for me, and with a lovely bout of pregnancy-induced insomnia, boy did I need it!

Chloe would wake up early and after I roused myself with a cup of coffee and tried to keep her from waking up the whole house for about half an hour, she would eventually go knock-knock-knocking on Granny's door and get her up for the day.  Baba usually fared a little better in the sleeping-in department and was generally allowed to wake up on his own.  Every morning she'd wolf down a breakfast or two, or sometimes even three. A toddler has to have some of everyone else's food, and who could resist Chloe staring at them with her big blue eyes, doing the sign for share whilst saying "Chloe share Granny/Baba/Mama food"?  In her mind what's ours is hers, though strangely enough it doesn't always work the other way around.... 

After breakfast Chloe and Baba would often walk down to the dock to feed the birds.  The Seagulls were a little more wary than those in Holyrood Park and kept their distance but the throwing of the bread seemed to be the main thing.  When Chloe wasn't eating the bread herself.

Whilst we found lots to entertain her nearby with neighbour's pools and slides and docks, we ventured on a few fun outings too.  One Saturday we got out (relatively) early, piled into the car and headed to the Hubbards Farmer's Market.  It was obviously the place to be on a Saturday morning in St. Margaret's bay because we ran into almost everyone we knew there!  Chloe sipped on a take-away babycchino and enjoyed herself in the sandpit while Mom and Jenny chatted to each other over their coffees.  Stalls were browsed, produce was purchased and pastries were eaten.  

On the way home from Hubbards we pulled off at Cleveland Beach and took to the sand on foot along the foggy coastline. 

Chloe padded about a bit in the surf but a stick was much more fun.

Another day saw us visiting Peggy's Cove for one of Chloe's favourite foodstuffs - Ice cream!  Dee Dee's is place to go in these parts and their ice cream did not disappoint.  Chloe pretty much only knows two options when it comes to flavours - white or brown.  That day she wanted white.  Alas vanilla was off the menu but it seems the colour rather than the flavour is the important thing so we managed to fob her off with sharing Mom's almost white flavours of Maple-Walnut and Hazelnut.  Chloe wanted nothing to do with my Mexican Chocolate cone after declaring it "Too spicy brown ice cream" so I was content to scoff it on my own.  

A visit to Peggy's Cove wouldn't be complete without a walk on the rocks, a view of the lighthouse, the roar of crashing waves and some photographs captured.  

Chloe enjoyed every last bit of it.

Ice cream was not the only delicious food Chloe indulged in.  Corn-on-the-Cob was a firm favourite but we also discovered that our girl has expensive tastes.  Freshly cooked lobster dipped in melted butter?  Yes Please!

For the last few days of the holiday we packed everything up and headed back in time to the North Shore.  Black Point, a little place that time forgot, and that the decades cannot improve (thanks Mr. Keillor). 

I spent every summer there as a child and in the 30-odd years since then things have not changed much. Truth be told not a vast amount has changed there in over 75years, but that's just how we like it.  It was Chloe's first visit and she seemed to enjoy it just as much as we did at her age.  Granny and Aunt Heather and Max took her down to the beach for the first time. Sand castles were raised and smashed, piles of sand were heaped up and body-flopped on to.  I wasn't sure what she'd think of the ocean seeing as she had been quite a reluctant water-baby in Vienna but she took right to it.  Wading out, waves lapping against her legs and splashing up her body, holding onto Granny and having a whale of a time.  She came back from the beach and told me all about it.  With a big smile she told me, lifting her chin and pointing to her throat, that she went in the water "right up neck" then proceeded to lie down on the floor and demonstrate how she was "kick kick kicking" her legs in the water and "paddle paddle paddling" her arms.  She'll be good at charades, this one.  The next day she wasn't quite so gung-ho but by the second swim of the day she got into it.

Watching everyone else get in, always best to use others as a temperature gauge.

Still not convinced....but definitely interested

And she's in!

And what visit would be complete without a walk to The Point?  I love doing it but it's bitter-sweet.  Every year the winds and waves wear away at it and the banks recede.  The Point diminishes.  It still feels like the same point I've been walking on all my life but I'm always reminded that someday it will be gone, worn away to nothing, leaving only the rocks upon which it stands.  

Hopefully not in my lifetime though, or Chloe's.

It was a perfect sojourn to round up a fantastic holiday.

P.S.  Some of you may be wondering about a little other even that occurred during our visit.  Don't worry, I have not forgotten but I think it warrants a post all of its own ;)

The interim weeks.

A few short weeks after we arrived home from Vienna Chloe and I were off to Nova Scotia, however in those few weeks a couple of noteworthy things happened.  Chloe turned two and we found out that Baby Eros #2 is going to be a boy!  

It is hard to believe that it's been 2 years.  My baby is definitely growing up.  It constantly amazes me that we made her.  She is funny, she is bossy, she is beautiful, she is cheeky, she is surprising, she would give an adult with OCD a run for their money, she is tempestuous, she is the most precious thing in my life.  I just want to smother her in hugs and kisses (almost*) all the time.  I could go on ad nauseam but I shall refrain and show you some pictures instead.

First ride on her first "bike" - thanks Winkie & Bruce!

As to the second bit of news, yes the bump is a boy.  Bit of a shock that one, still slightly freaked out by the news.  I know what to expect with a little girl (as much as you can ever know what to expect with different children) but a boy?  I'm scared.  It also feels kind of weird, in a totally illogical way, that a male will be coming out of my body.  I don't know why that feels different to having a girl but for me, it does.  It isn't bad, but it is weird.  I'm sure when he arrives it will all feel as natural as it did with Chloe.  Ironically, when I was pregnant with Chloe I was freaked out to find out she was going to be a girl because I thought I'd deal with a boy more easily.  Just goes to show, you can get freaked out by anything if you try hard enough!

A boy's name is proving a bit more difficult that a girl's, much to my surprise.  I'm pretty sure we had Chloe's name more or less picked out by now but we aren't there with this one yet.  Alex has fielded many suggestions, few of which bear serious consideration.  All along he has jested that if it is a boy we will call him Ruediger - a nice traditional Austrian name.  Chloe even caught on to that one, insisting "Baby boy Ruediger" whenever she was asked what his name would be.  Fortunately that phase has passed.  She has chosen a different name for him all on her own.  Now, I'm not saying it is a great name, or even a good one, but it does beat Ruediger in my books.  One day I asked her if the baby was going to be called Ruediger and her reply was: "No baby boy Ruediger. Baby Bobo."  She is 100% consistent with this since it first popped into her head.  And yes, given the choice between Ruediger and Bobo, I will take the clown's name.   However I am hoping for some further inspiration in the next 3 months or this baby may never forgive us.  I'm not sure telling him "Blame your 2yr old sister for your name if you don't like it" will be much of a defence... 

*all the time, apart from when I am tearing my hair out at another epic meltdown due to the fact that I dared to stir the banana into her porridge instead of just laying it on top, or because I didn't put the pesto in the pasta the right way (until now I didn't realise there was a wrong way to do that....), or because she didn't want to get into her carseat and she had to, or because 30 mins later she had to get out of her carseat and didn't want to, or a million other unpredictable triggers... I think nature has contrived to make babies & toddlers so darn cute just to make you look into their eyes, melt inside and forget all of the above frustrations - they'd never make it to adulthood other wise.   

Another month, another country, another family vacation....

In July it was Vienna, in August we were Canada-bound.  Chloe and I just got back from 2.5weeks in Nova Scotia.  It was great.  There's too much for me to cram into one blog post so I'm gonna split it up a little bit just to make things easier for me.  I've already spammed a whole load of pics on Facebook so most of you will probably have seen them already - no photographic surprises here I'm afraid!

Right, I better get down to it.....

Vienna in July

A couple of weeks ago we headed over to Vienna to visit Alex's parents.  It had been wet and gloomy in Edinburgh for most of the summer so I was looking forward to some warmer weather.  Be careful what you wish for......you might just get it!  Warm is an understatement, it was HOT!  I think it ranged from 32-38C for most of our time there, a bit of a shock to the system.  In Edinburgh anything above 25C for a couple of days in a row and we'd be calling it a heat wave, but this was the real deal.  Needless to say I was very thankful I had bought some maternity dresses from Gap a few days before cause jeans were a definite no-go.  Babywearing was also mostly a no-go, much to my disappointment.  I'm all too aware that my growing bump will shortly prevent me wearing her on my front, and she seems to have taken a dislike to being carried on my back so we may have to call it quits for a little while.  Then of course she will be older and wanting to walk even more than she does now, and there will be the new baby to carry.  I wonder how much more carrying I will do with Chloe and it makes me very sad to think that it may be coming to an end.  I did get one lovely carrying morning when we walked to the Blumengarten (flowergarden) not far from the house.  

Blumengarten

I put Chloe up in a sling to get there a bit faster so she'd have more time to play, and typically, she fell asleep just as we arrived also just as we and interrupted a wedding ceremony.  We walked through the entrance which is next to an outdoor wedding chapel and all the guests turned to stare at us.  Not wanting to intrude we stopped, and decided to walk around to a different entrance rather than walk down the path right beside the ceremony.  We turned to leave and only then did we notice the bride right behind us waiting to make her big entrance!  No wonder everyone turned to stare.  We quickly slunk away.  At least we didn't wander in with a running, screaming toddler though!

The Blumengarten was definitely one of Chloe's favourite places, and we really liked it too.  Not just a beautiful garden, but also a place to visit some animals......

Chloe signing that the goats were "happy" 

Chloe looking very happy after a visit to the turkey who lived there - a very ugly thing and for some reason, one of Chloe's favourites!

.... have an ice cream....

....play in some sprinklers and build (then destroy) some sand-castles. Hours of toddler-worthy occupation all in one place!

Another favourite was the Badesee, basically a "swimming lake" about a 15 min walk away.  We initially thought Chloe would be all about the swimming, but she was surprisingly reluctant.  Granted, she has only been swimming once in her life but she took to that in a flash and loved it, yet she was definitely nervous about the water this time around.  

Suited-up, suncreamed-up and ready to go!

Despite her floaties there was no flinging herself in the water this time around and even getting her to dip her feet in the shallows took some coaxing.  Eventually she was happy enough to do some bouncing in the water in our arms but that was about the extent of it.  Giver her a paddling pool in the back garden and she won't stay out of it, but I guess this was a little bit scarier. 

Luckily everything seems better with ice-cream.

They were setting up a little fun fair the day we were there and had dropped off some equipment but left it turned off and un-manned.  Needless to say all the kids took an interest and Chloe was straight in there too.

"Bbbbrrrrroooooooommmmmmm"..... and then she peed in the car and we made a swift exit!

Another day saw us taking Chloe for her first trip to a Zoo.  We went to the Tiergarten at Schönbrunn.  It's a beautiful zoo, and actually quite large - I don't think we ever really saw half of what there was to see but Chloe can only take so much excitement in one day. 

"Now let me see, what shall we go look at next?"

It was a bit touch-and-go for a little while as the tired cranky girl fought sleep but she eventually pushed through and got a second wind and really seemed interested in the animals and what they were doing. 

The "monkey swing rope tree" was fun to watch and she particularly liked the "purple snakes" a.k.a the eels in the aquarium.  She was also somewhat transfixed by the jellyfish floating in their pool of darkness.

Alas we didn't see any actual elephants but Chloe seemed happy enough with some miniature statues instead.

We all had a great time, I'm glad we waited until she was a bit older for her first trip because I think she wouldn't have appreciated it as much 6 months ago.  The day was punctuated with a trip to the gift shop where Chloe picked herself a monkey like the one we'd seen in the Zoo, as well as the obligatory ice cream.  

Right now I'm asking Chloe "What are we going to have now?"

Chloe answered "Ice Cream!" with a look of pure joy.

And the end result of a fun-filled day at the Zoo?

So Chloe had a blast and loved every day with her Grandparents, Vienna was certainly a hit and she didn't seem to mind the heat even if us adults were sweltering.  And really, what elses does a toddler have to do but have fun and chill out?