Babychinos just aren't cutting it anymore.

So I'm in a different room from Chloe, somewhat indisposed.  Okay, okay, let's not beat around the bush, being a mother isn't glamorous so I'll just get this out there - I was sitting on the toilet.  I had the door open, cause really, closing the door on a toddler just isn't worth the hassle. Chloe was happily occupied in the kitchen rearranging the pot drawer.  Or so I thought.  Suddenly I realise it's quiet.  Then I hear her shimmy her way up onto a chair.  A moment of silence.  The scrape of a mug on a countertop.  The sound of liquid sloshing around accompanied by a loud "poooouuur".  I was out of that bathroom in a flash.  The tell-tale brown moustache told me all I needed to know.  The empty cafetiere and half-full coffee mug only served as confirmation.  To be honest, I was pretty impressed with her pouring accuracy.  She barely spilled anything.  Obviously the steamed milks aren't going to cut it when I next go to a cafe, she's gonna want the hard stuff!

Chloe giving me a play-by-play re-enactment, vocals included.

She's really growing up!

I looked at a picture of Chloe from the summer and I was startled to see how much she has changed in the last 6 months or so.  She's like a whole different little person now!  All the hair, all the curls (I love her curls), her ankles that used to be cankles, her height!  I know she's pretty petite for her age but still, how she has grown!

Hangin' in NYC with Auntie Kate last summer.

Our Little Pirate at 17 Months

A proper little person now!

She's just sooooooo cute.  Biased? Moi?  Who cares, she really is pretty damn cute even if I say so myself. Even more so as she's learning to communicate.  She's not overly verbose for a child her age but she certainly makes her wishes known.  She's also very bossy!  If she wants you to do something, or wants something that is out of reach, she will grab your hand and push it as far as she can towards whatever it is she wants.  She doesn't take No for an answer easily either.  She makes masterful use of her bottom lip, emotively pushing it outwards so there is no question that she is unhappy with the situation.  Unfortunately, far from evoking sympathy, it is just so funny that Alex and I burst out laughing whenever she does it.  So now she just does it for effect, managing to keep a straight face for about 2 seconds then bursts out into a big grin herself.  She's like her Mother, no poker face at all.

We started learning sign language a few months ago and she really took to that.  The signs for "where?" and "more" soon became firm favourites, closely followed by "dog" for some unknown reason.  She's recently started saying a few words, and I'd like to put it on record here that "mama" was most definitely her first proper word.  I win!

I know details like this are fairly mundane to anyone who isn't related to Chloe, so forgive me and feel to skip over my self-indulgence below, but I would like to record, for posterity's sake, her burgeoning repertoire of signs and words thus far:

Signs in regular use:

Eat (usually done as a very definite forceful sign and often accompanied by her physically turning my face to look at her so there can be no question of me not being aware of her immediate and desperate need for food), Drink, Where? Hot (also used for cold actually, so more of a "this has a distinct temperature" sign), More, Bird, Dog, Hat, Glasses, Toothbrush, Bath (also used whenever someone is in the bathroom or shower), Change (as in nappy), Clean, Car, Beard.

Now, I'm not sure these technically count as signs cause they aren't the proper ones, but she will nod her head for "yes", or shake it for "no" and she most definitely means it when she does it!

Words in regular use:

Mama, Dadda, Where? Mmmmmore! Up, Apple, Beeaa (for Pea or Pear), Woof, Baa (for sheep) and Pour (by far her favourite activity at the moment is pouring something into something else.  Anything.  Anywhere).

She's taking her time mastering the English language but time is passing by so quickly and she is growing up faster than I care for to be honest, so I'm in no rush.  She's getting heavier and heavier and it makes me so aware that eventually my days of carrying her will come to an end.  God, I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  I'm not sure if you'll be able to understand why that thought is so sad for me if you aren't a fellow sling-user but I'm going to miss being able to carry her so much.  I keep looking at her and thinking that before I know it she'll be a stroppy pre-teen and believe me, that scares the shit out of me!  I'm loving this age, just as I loved the stages before it and I'm sure I'll love the stages to come, even if I do miss these ones a little bit too.

She slept for 2hrs all snuggled up into me.  Of course I don't want it to end, but I know one day it will. 

Back to The Big Apple

At the end of the month I'm going to do something that I haven't done in a long time.  I'm going to take a break.  I'm getting on a plane and flying to New York.  On. My. Own.  For five days.  Half of me is giddy with the thought of it, the (m)other half of me is already worrying.  I mean, the longest Chloe and I have been apart is probably about 12 hours, and that's when we've been sleeping.  Waking hours apart?  Maybe six, possibly less.  So I'm bit worried how she will feel about it.  I keep telling myself she will be fine - Alex is here, Grandma & Grandad Eros will be here and she loves being with them, she'll be at home in her normal environment.  She'll be fine.  I just need to repeat that about a hundred times and I might start believing it.  The terrible wails and instant hitching sobs of "Mama....Mama.....Mama" when Alex tried to do the bedtime routine without me tonight didn't do anything to dull my fears about it.  Not sure what's going to happen when I'm not there to just step back in and help.  Maybe I'll have to do it via Skype.  I'm only half joking.  Seriously.

Why the break?  I guess I feel like I could do with one.  It's been a difficult month or so.  I spent the first half of December in a state of first-trimester hormonal exhaustion.  It was like nothing I had ever felt before when pregnant with Chloe and feeling that wiped out and trying to look after a very busy toddler was harder than I imagined it would be.  I'm very lucky to have a husband who helps me out so much cause I'd have been lost without him.  Likewise for my wonderful family who took over Christmas and made it fun and special when I didn't have the energy to do so myself.  This month hasn't started out very well, but it has been emotionally rather than physically draining. Unfortunately I've had a second miscarriage.  I don't quite know how I feel about it yet.  Sad and disappointed, obviously.  Worried?  Disheartened?  Scared? I'm not sure yet.  I know statistically this could just be a run of bad luck but that's little comfort.  It also seems vaguely unfair that when I next get pregnant I'll have to go through all that exhaustion and nausea again.  Hopefully next time we'll have something wonderful at the end to show for it all.   

So I think it'll be nice to have a little break.  Some "me" time.  Chloe is weaned now, so for the first time in over 2 years my body is my all own.  I shall be able to sit on an airplane and relax rather than pacing the aisles with a baby teetering on the edge of a boredom-induced meltdown.  I will, without undue fear of messy hand prints, wear clothes that require handwashing, or god-forbid, are dry-clean only! I can drink cups and cups and cups of coffee, I can even get a little bit drunk.  I can sleep in.  It's going to be amazing and just what I need right now.