Thoughts

I'm surprised at how natural this motherhood business feels to me.  I've never considered myself a maternal person, not least because I used to swear I was never having kids.  I'm not great with other people's children, I feel a bit awkward and don't really know what to say to them or how to play with them.  I was really worried that I wouldn't be a good mother.  Worried that I wouldn't cope with it well.  I'm sure the fact that, on the whole, Chloe is a pretty good baby is helping, but I've found it's all coming quite easily to me.  I think Alex and I are doing really well so far. 

People say that your world completely changes when you have kids, and while that is certainly undeniable, I don't really feel hugely different in myself.  It doesn't feel weird or scary, it just feels like a natural progression and that it is right.  My day to day existence is totally changed now but so far I feel like I wouldn't want to be doing anything else, even if I do start the day in bed with my hair covered in vomit.  A few years ago it might have been my own vomit, these days however, we can thank Chloe for that.  I know which I prefer!

I certainly don't have a burning desire to get back to work, in fact if I never went back to work I don't think I'd miss it.  That feeling may well change several months down the line when I am yearning for some adult contact during the day, but so far I'm content looking after Chloe's needs, trying to keep the flat in order, and occasionally being a lady who lunches.