Babywearing - Why?

Happy baby on my back!

If you were to ask me what is the one indispensable piece of equipment to buy for a baby I would tell you this:  Buy a sling.  Any sling - a wrap, a ringsling, a mei tai, a soft structured carrier, take your pick.  I mean, ideally not a BabyBjorn-type sling, but if it is that or nothing then go ahead and buy one of those (there are far more comfortable options around for both you and baby and I'll explain why in a little post script at the bottom of the post for those who are interested).

I've managed to amass a bit of a collection of slings over the past 8 months.  I might, if pushed, even admit to being slightly addicted to wraps.  But what is not to like about them?  

The first time I wore Chloe in a woven wrap

They are practical - I honestly don't know how any new mother manages to get any cooking or cleaning done without one of these.  Seriously.

They are SO convenient - How fun is it strolling around a busy town centre with a pushchair, going in and out of shops, up and down stairs, getting on the bus or the train?  Unless I'm going clothes shopping I don't even entertain that idea anymore, so much simpler with a baby on your body.  How many times have you seen a parent with their child in-arms as they push the empty pushchair in front of them?  Much safer and more comfortable for all concerned to carry the child in a sling (and at the very least, if you do take your pushchair out - stick a sling in your bag just in case!)  

We've taken Chloe on a few holidays so far and not once have I regretted not taking a pushchair with us.  It is possible to travel light-ish with a baby!

In the Markets in Marrakesh

In the Jardin Majorelle in Marrakesh

They are comforting - I have slung a screaming child into submission on a number of occasions!  Ok, it doesn't always work, but the times when it doesn't, nothing much else will either.  Believe me, the calm you feel when it does work and that tiny bundle of screams is sleeping peacefully against your chest, or resting their head on the back of your neck, is indescribable.  

To steal another mother's expression - she had been a Hysterical Child of Doom a few minutes previously

They are so pretty!  4-5m of beautiful fabric wound around you - what's not to like?  And yes, this is one of the reasons you need more than one. How else are you supposed to co-ordinate your wrap with your outfit if you don't have a bit of choice?  No one ever said babywearing can't be fashionable too!

I could go on but I'd probably bore you.  Instead I am just going to spam you with more cute pictures of me and Chloe :)

Such a lovely way to have your child close and be able to interact with them in ways you never could if they were in a pushchair

Our Manduca - a buckle carrier with all the convenience of a BabyBjorn but so much more comfort

So, about that little P.S I mentioned earlier...  

Baby-Bjorns, and other similar copy-cat carriers don't provide optimal comfort or positioning for your child.  In these carriers the child's weight is being taken by their crotch and the base of their developing spine. How comfortable does that sound to you?  I know it isn't very appealing to me, and I imagine would be even less so for the men among us.  When you carry your child in a wrap, a mei tai or a suitable soft structured carrier (like an Ergo or a Manduca, to name but two) the child is positioned such that it's weight is spread from knee to knee, evenly across it's buttocks and thighs with no pressure points digging in.

Here is a pic of a mother carrying her 4.5yr old daughter in a woven wrap that demonstrates beautifully the proper "kneepit-kneepit with knees higher than the bum" position

pic used with kind permission - thanks!

A common question people ask about slings is if you can carry your child forwards facing outwards (FFO) in them.  There is a common misconception that after a certain age, children need and want to face outwards.  In fact, there are quite a few reasons why this positioning isn't optimal, and it is not a position I would ever recommend.  FFO positions do not allow a correct seated position as described above, they also force the child's back against the wearer's chest, preventing the naturally slightly rounded spinal position.  Head support in FFO is also lacking if they fall asleep.  So from a physiological point of view you can see that this is far from optimal.  Another consideration is that when FFO a child is being constantly bombarded by all the sights and sounds around it.  Now, some stimulation isn't a bad thing, but when FFO the parent is unable to see they child's face as easily and cannot judge as well if the child is becoming overwhelmed, nor is the child able to turn away from this stimulation if it becomes too much.  The child is also unable to see the wearer's face or to look too them for reassurance.  There are much better carrying options for inquisitive children that still provide ideal physical support and emotional comfort, such as a hip carry or a high back-carry.  However, these are not possible with Baby-Bjorns and the like. 

Now, I'm not trying to get all high-and-mighty.  I own a Baby-Bjorn, I bought one before I learned about other options.  I am talking from experience when I tell you that it is the least comfortable baby carrier I have ever used, not to mention one of the most expensive.  After about 45 mins of wearing it when Chloe was only 3 weeks old my lower back was in a lot of discomfort, and this was with the BB Active - the one with supposedly the best back support!  Contrast this to our recent holiday in Marrakesh where I wore Chloe (who was 5 months old at the time) for over 4 hours one day in complete comfort in a woven wrap.  I think you can see where I'm going with this. 

And My Work Here Is Done.

As you can see Chloe's cold is still in full swing.  Particularly attractive how the light glints off the snot don't you think?  She may still be leaking but she's feeling much better in herself, thank God.  Her second tooth is also coming through so we seem to be getting them out of the way in quick succession.  Better to clump the sleepless nights together I guess! 

She's getting so mobile now, you turn your head and she's out the door!  Our coffee table is no longer a coffee table - woe betide anyone who sets anything remotely breakable or spill-able on it.  As far as Chloe is concerned, anything placed on it has been put there purely for her own amusement, and will be treated as such.  She pulls herself up to standing any chance she gets...then lets go.  It's like she thinks she can stand on her own already.  Silly baby!

Another favourite past-time is playing with paper.  Any paper really. The more, the better.  We have a drawer in the kitchen with all our instruction manuals and warranties in it.  They don't stay in there for long if Chloe has anything to do with it.  She also finds amusement in spreading the contents of my dry-goods basket all over the floor.  I turned around one day to witness the trail of destruction she left in her wake as she crawled off towards the laundry room to see what damage she could wreak there.  She was pretty satisfied with herself.  It was pretty cute. 

God knows what I'm gonna do when she starts walking!

Parenting. We All Do It Differently.

The last 10 days have been pretty tough.  Chloe's cold has been affecting all of us.  Before her cold her sleep had been showing some gradual improvements but suddenly we were back to square one with her waking every time she had a coughing fit, and other times in between!  She couldn't settle lying on her back so spent a lot of time sleeping on our chests as that seemed the only position she could settle in.  I think it's possibly been the most sleep-deprived I've ever felt.  There were moments, in the wee hours with a screaming baby, when my patience and resolve not to just leave her to cry was tested to the limit.  I'm glad I didn't.  I know a lot of people don't understand my feelings on this matter, or just how strongly I do feel about it.  In fact, it seems quite a foreign concept to some people and I often feel like I am very much going against the norm.  There is an overwhelming belief these days that babies must be left to cry themselves to sleep or they will never learn to self-settle.  In fact, I've been told that I am actually harming Chloe by not leaving her to cry.  I know a lot of parents use methods like Controlled Crying and letting babies Cry It Out, often to great success.  I know a lot of parents use these methods out of desperation and sheer exhaustion, and if they are at breaking point and it is the only solution for them that works, that keeps them sane and functional then I will never criticize someone for making that choice.  We all do what we have to do as parents to get through the tough times, and I'm sure we all do it with the best of intentions.  However, it is not a choice I want to make. 

I am so grateful that I have a husband who is supportive of me and my feelings on this matter.  That is not to say that even he hasn't considered whether Controlled Crying might be a solution and one sleepless night said we might need to try it.  The next morning I sat with a screaming, unhappy baby on my lap and tried to soothe her.  I started sobbing myself.  I pleaded to her to just stop crying, to settle at night and sleep because if she kept on like this I might be made to leave her to cry.  The thought of having to do that is what drove me to tears.  Not the thought of more restless nights or sleep-deprived cups of coffee in the morning, no, I could cope with that.  It was the thought of leaving her in her cot, screaming for me or Alex, screaming to be held, fed, comforted when she needed it, and eventually realizing that we weren't there for her and giving up.  Yes, we might end up with a baby who is quiet at night, a baby who sleeps more.  Our lives might be a bit easier, but at what cost?  I explained how much this thought upset me and Alex understands and supports me in this.

I sometimes look at the advice parents are given and think that society is increasingly of the opinion that we must distance ourselves from our babies.  That ideas like co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding and babywearing to name but but a few, will only spoil a child, make them "clingy" and "create a rod for our own backs".  That phrase in particular gets bandied about a lot.  When did it become unacceptable for a baby to need close physical contact from their parent?  When did we decide that a child, often younger than a year, should be able to be away from a parent without complaint?  Why the rush to separate ourselves from our children at such an early age for fear they will never develop independence?  Does society really believe that just because a child is "clingy", that they will still be clinging to their mother's leg at the age of 25?  Is it such a stretch of the imagination to think that if a child's needs are being met, physically and emotionally, then quite possibly as they grow, at an appropriate developmental stage, they will become independent individuals?  That allowing a child to decide when they are ready to be more independent is possibly more successful than a parent trying to force independence on the child?

All I know is that yes, I may have some sleepless nights, I may have to continue breastfeeding for a while  longer as she learns that food is for eating, not just throwing on the floor, I may have to strap her onto my body for the occasional nap, but I also have a happy (when she's not a sickly monster - but I'll forgive her for that!) thriving child.  I am at peace with our parenting choices, and I wish others could be as well.

For more information on Natural/Attachment Parenting see these links:

http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp

It's Official.

Baby-flu is worse than Man-flu.  I know, I know, it's hard to believe but it's the truth.  Sure, men can (and do) complain so much you'd think they were on their deathbed, but at least they can vocalise their misery.  Actually, babies vocalise it too - they cry.  And by cry, I mean a relentless non-stop stream of aural displeasure.  Believe me, it's much more difficult to ignore that than the semi-pathetic whimperings of the man in your life.   Chloe at this exact moment is simply crawling around the living room emitting a constant stream of cries and sputterings.  I can distract her with toys, music, singing, slinging and the like for all of 3 minutes before it starts up again.  I cannot win this battle.  

This is her looking good these days.

Let us not forget the visual aspect of it too.  I don't think I've ever seen so much snot drain out of a nose before.  If it isn't one long goober, it's a cluster of bubbles inflating with every breath.  If it is this unpleasant to look at imagine how she must be feeling!  Add this to teething slobber and you have a pretty good idea of what her face is looking like these days.  Cute she ain't!  As much as I try to keep her clean I feel like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the hill.  She invariably gets there before me and generally spreads the snot all over her face.  She has snot dried onto her eyelashes this morning. Seriously.  And if it isn't going all over her, guess who's a living snot-rag for the poorly girl?

Tooth!

So, to re-cap: teething baby + terrible Baby-flu = unhappy baby + tired mom.

She's living life better through drugs these days, but not much better.  I wish I could. Hang on, I am, and my drug of choice is caffeine. 

Naps - a Mother's challenge.

Wow, babies really like to mix things up a bit!  Chloe hasn't had brilliant afternoon naps the last few days but I figured it was because we were out and about and just not keeping to much of a schedule so she'd just end up cat-napping on the go.  So there I was this morning telling Alex how I'm really going to concentrate on her naps this week and make sure she was well rested during the day to hopefully help with her sleep at night.  There I was this morning, feeling in control and being all naive, you know, like I had any say in the matter.  Well today Chloe decided that afternoon naps are for SUCKERS!

I mean, she seemed pretty perky at 12:30pm despite having been up since 10:15am, but she had to be tired, didn't she?  The crying, back arching and throwing away of the dummy whilst I tried to gently ease her into sleep seemed to contradict my opinion on the matter.  I gave up, we had some lunch, I let her play a bit more then decided that she'd probably nap if I put her on my back in a sling, so up she went secured on my back in a Double Hammock, and she did eventually succumb after some general fussing, pulling of my hair and yet more bouncing on the exercise ball.  So she's there, she's asleep (ish) and I figure that now that she is settled I should be able to gently ease her off my back and into bed, and even if she does wake up a bit surely I can just bundle her up in a blanket and bounce her a few times and back to sleep she will go.  The words plan, men, best-laid, and mice are twirling around somewhere in my head at this point but I forge onwards.  I think you can see where I am going with this...A little more rocking of, singing to and bouncing of the very awake baby ensued.  She eventually humoured me be shutting her eyes and feigning sleep for all of 10 minutes before she was once again wide awake.  Okaaay....there followed some more playing, another jaunt on my back for a trip to the supermarket hoping some extra stimulation would tire her out.  No joy.  Maybe she's hungry?  Hunger resolved, eyes wide open.  Right.  It's 3:30pm now, there's no way she cannot be tired at this point despite her protestations.  So I end up feeling like a very mean mummy cause in the end I just held her tight while she wriggled, cried and back arched.  I replaced the dummy every time she threw it away and I just kept bouncing til she gave in to sleep.  So, there she is, finally asleep.  Will she stay that way?  Who bloody knows?  I know I'm exhausted by it all now!

Seriously Chloe? Really?  A measly thirty minutes is all you give me for my efforts?  Good God!

Chloe's new favourite past-time: standing up on anything she can pull herself on to.  Usually followed shortly thereafter by falling over as she lets go kamikaze-style.

I'm learning

I've been taking lots of pictures of Chloe - what parent doesn't take a billion pics of their own child?  I feel like I'm slowly improving, getting those sharp images isn't always easy with a moving target but more and more often I feel like I'm capturing some great images.  I just love her eyes, those big Baby Blues.  Luckily she's quite happy to look towards the camera most of the time, I think she likes it when she sees her reflection in the lens, however she also loves eating my camera strap.  Try getting enough focal distance with a tiny monkey pulling your camera towards itself!

I took some photographs of Chloe and Margaret together when she was visiting and I really like how this portrait has turned out.  

She's so inquisitive now and is getting to the age where everything is interesting.   She really loves interactive books now, be they of the Pop-Up or the textured variety.  I'm learning that getting down to her level is essential if I want good baby pics - spending a lot of time on my belly!

Ever Changing

Six and a half months have gone by already.  Getting time for another "baby-in-a-bag" photo soon!  Time is passing faster than I'd like and I am so thankful that I have this time with her.  I don't know how other women  go back to work.  I guess we all feel differently, and I know some women look forward to getting back the adult world but I'm not one of them.  She's growing and changing so quickly that I couldn't bear to miss any of it.  I just love her to death and as much of a cliche as it is, I don't think anyone can truly understand how much their parents love them until they become parents and have children of their own.  It is indescribable.  

She's moving all over the place now, commando-style but also starting to get her knees up under her.  It's so cute watching her:  stretch out arms.....palms on the floor.....haul chest over hands.....raise bum into the air to get on knees......concentrate.....hold position......slide back onto tummy as knees slip out from under her.  And repeat.  We went over to Jess's yesterday for a Baby Shiatsu course.  Trying to massage a moving target is no easy task.  Come to think of it, even doing basic things like trying to change her nappy is a struggle these days.  As soon as she's put down on her back all she does is roll onto her front then try to crawl towards the most interesting thing in her line of vision and chew on it.  Usually the plastic nappy bag - she definitely doesn't know that children shouldn't play with plastic bags.

Thankfully she's learned how to sleep again as well.  It was tough for a while there.  Her sleeping just got worse and worse from 4 months onwards and at it's worst I think she was awake 10 times in one night.  It was exhausting and mentally draining cause we just didn't know the reason for it or what we could do to make things better.  I'll admit tears were shed - mostly by me because I will not just leave her to "cry it out".  As often as it was suggested to me, it isn't a parenting choice I wanted to make and I am so glad that we've come out the other side without resorting to it.  It was a long two months but I'm so lucky to have a husband like Alex who was willing to support me and wake up early and take Chloe so I could get a few more hours of much needed rest.  She doesn't sleep through, but I don't expect her to at this age and I'm quite happy with the sleeping situation, though I'll admit that 5:30am is a little bit early to be getting up most mornings.  Try telling that to Chloe though. 

The weaning is coming along slowly.  We tried giving her some purees and some baby porridge to mix in with the BLW but it seemed to put her off food completely.  She really dislikes being spoon fed - I think having medications syringed into her mouth several times a day has given her a dislike of having anything put into her mouth by anyone other than herself.  We've found that sitting across from her trying to spoon stuff in just make sher upset and fussy.  If we sit her in her chair with some things in front of her to pick at and either entertain her a bit or let her get on with it herself while we eat our meal tends to result in more food going into her mouth.  A fair bit (in fact most of it) still ends up on the floor but she's experiencing new tastes and textures.  Tonight it was felafel with some humous and some cucumber.  It is a slow process but I'm happy to continue breastfeeding her so I'm going to let her go at her own pace and try not to worry.  

We've also had a very special custom-made carrier arrive.  I had it made from our first wrap at it has turned out beautifully.  Hopefully it will allow us to keep using it for a long time to come.

Our new Chicago Ocah